Some random thoughts :)

Hello everyone...Marley logging on tonight since I was up late writing an email to Ross reflecting on my day and came across an interesting revelation.

Today, we made another trip to the cancer agency but this time for a support group meeting. I am sure my dad will say more on the meeting but I was particularly struck by a topic that was indirectly brought up; a sense of identity. One young man in the group is quite eager to get back to work. It is obvious that he enjoyed his profession and as a result his life got tied into his work. This sense of self-identity comes up quite frequently for patients with brain tumors because of the nature of the illness.

Anyways, I came to a realization that kind of explains some of the feelings I have been having over the last 9 months of this journey. I started to realize why adjusting to the  "limbo phase" of my life as I describe it has been a challenge. I realized that my identity was wrapped into working towards goals, being an enthusiastic student, passionate soccer player ... etc. I think the changes happened so fast and were so drastic that I sometimes don't feel like myself. Yes, I am still working towards goals on a daily basis. But, their pursuit has felt different than before. Its like I feel the imaginary pressure that because I visualized myself having a great intermediate job before medical school, playing competitive soccer, and accomplishing all sorts of other goals that I feel like I'm not being successful and living up to a standard that I set for myself. Instead, I think I should be realizing that I am living up to my values by taking some time from those things and instead investing in time with my family because deep down being with my family is really important to me.

Maybe, this was silly to share (and hopefully I was able to write my feelings clearly) but the revelation explained a lot for me tonight and I couldn't help but want to share this small part of my journey with those who care. I think its good to realize  how you are defining yourself and not to wrap your identity so much in what you do but more how you do it.




“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
― Charles R. Swindoll